If we truly want to band together to make an impactful difference in the world, we need to start doing the inner self-work, stay curious, and send compassion, love, and grace to everyone – no matter what their beliefs are.
In this episode, I am talking to Carol Yeh-Garner, founder and CEO of A Well Lived Life, Inc. Carol has combined her Clinical Social Work background with her personal experience to help bridge people together to unlearn their personal biases on race, religion, politics, sexual orientation, and disability.
With her new Love For Every Home Project, Carol helps individuals lessen the division by starting conversations, deprogramming their subconscious, and come together for a healthier,= and more compassionate world.
Today, Carol is joining me on the Whimsy & Wellness Podcast to share her incredible insight on these topics, and we are 110% here for it!
What we covered:
- Starting the conversation about inclusion, diversity, and racism
- How our subconscious minds get programmed
- The power of positive energy
- How to acknowledge your personal biases
- Why the “colorblind” approach can be harmful and hurtful
“That’s a personal bias that I have to be aware of. And if you’re growing an oil business, if you’re growing any kind of business, if you’re an employee, if you’re involved in any kind of relationship, I think it’s really important to learn what our biases are so that we can ensure that we’re not offending other people without knowing.” – Carol Yeh-Garner
Links Mentioned:
Thanks for tuning into this episode of the Whimsy & Wellness Podcast. If you liked this episode, screenshot and share it on social! Every share matters and helps us reach and inspire more people like you!
Subscribe to the Whimsy & Wellness Podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify or wherever else you listen to podcasts!
Love essential oils? Check out Whimsy & Wellness for all of your oil accessories or follow them on Instagram @whimsyandwellness
Meg: https://www.instagram.com/sincerelymegryan/
Whimsy and Wellness Podcast on Instagram
Music by: Taylor Ryan
Find him on Instagram
Oils Mentioned:
Connect with Carol:
We have a responsibility as human beings to make this world a better place. And that starts with a deep look at our personal biases and beliefs and how we approach inclusion and diversity. It’s time to be a part of the conversation that helps bridge people together, regardless of race, religion, political leaning, sexual orientation, or disability. Today, we are talking to Carol Yeh-Garner, who has made this her mission to share compassion, love, and positive energy to all communities.
Meg: All right. Well, Carol, I’m so happy to have you on the podcast today. Welcome.
I have to share with you and our listeners that I actually heard you speak a couple years ago at diamond bound Chicago, that was my first introduction to you. And your wisdom, and what you were teaching on and speaking on was really inspiring. But I also it was this, I was sitting there, and it was this breath of fresh air to just hear your perspective and belief system and all of that, in the oils community.
I remember sitting there just being like, oh, finally I felt so seen. I don’t even know how to describe it, but just like, okay, I don’t have to be this certain way. Who I am and what I believe and what I think is welcome here. Because here’s this leader of this big central oil company here at Whimsy, we don’t just subscribe to one essential oil company. But this was a Young Living event. And I was sitting there as a Young Living member, just like, Oh, I found someone and you just made me feel really welcomed. And so I’m really grateful for that. And I’m excited for people to hear you and feel the same way.
Carol: That means so much, because that’s basically been my goal is to make sure that everyone feels welcome. And then not have to look one way.
Meg: Yeah. And that’s definitely like, something that’s really important to us at Whimsy & Wellness is including everybody whoever you are, and whatever you believe. You’re welcome here at Whimsy.
So something else that I really love about you that I think people, especially in this conversation will also like is that you’re bold and passionate. But you also educate in a straightforward way that’s warm and non judgmental. But it’s also just like, here it is. And I love that. And so I’m excited for people to learn from you. Because I think sometimes when we talk about topics that people can kind of feel defensive on, it really takes a special kind of educator with this special approach that they don’t automatically go into the listener, or the learner doesn’t automatically go into this shame shutdown. And I think you’re really great at delivering facts and new perspectives, but also doing it in a non shameful or judgmental way. Because you say, you’re learning too.
Carol: Yeah, yeah. So thank you. A Social Work background really helps with that. And helps me deal with a lot of stuff that can cause drama. And I can hopefully nip it in the bud by being non judgmental and humble. I’m learning about this kind of space. And I think coming from that angle really helps people open their minds, because I think when we come, sometimes we try to educate people on something that we’re passionate about. And we come at it so passionately that their guard is just so far up that they really can’t even be open to it. So I’m excited about this.
Meg: So we’re gonna be talking about self work when it comes to personal biases, building bridges, and dropping the us versus them way of thinking, and just really coming together to make a difference. So to jump in, I’d love to talk about and hear why this topic is so important to you. And even if you’re comfortable sharing, some of your own personal experiences.
Starting The Conversation About Racism And Diversity
Carol: I grew up in upstate New York in a pretty diverse little community. My dad worked for IBM, and he and my mom were first generation immigrants from China. We moved to San Jose in California. And that’s when I first started experiencing racism. Before I had no idea it was a different color. And once I moved to San Jose, everyone started calling me racist Chinese names, making fun of my eyes.
Throughout my life, I’ve been told to go back to my own country. But I was born here in the United States. I’ve experienced racism and I always thought that I was against racism. And this year, as I think everyone experienced, there just was kind of this heightened awareness of discrimination for race, for everything. Depending on what your political affiliation was, there were just so many divisions that were happening. And I just felt stuck and hopeless and helpless
And so I just was really struggling, feeling I need to do something more. I don’t know what the heck even to do, because I became aware that my idea of racism, my experience of racism is not nearly what other people have experienced. And so how do I speak out for them without understanding their experience?
So I actually reached out to my oils team and asked them, does anyone have a diversity inclusivity specialist because I need to just talk to somebody. And I found this great woman and hatched out his plan with her of creating a group and a series of calls that people could just join and learn. Because I said before, I’m on this journey too. I want to learn what I can do better, I want to learn about my own personal biases, because it really became apparent this year that I had personal biases that I really wasn’t even mindful of. And that affected how I was running my business, it was affecting how I was interacting with people on a subconscious level, it wasn’t anything that I was doing outwardly.
So as a leader, and just as a person in the community, I wanted to find a way to bring people together that wanted to unlearn their own personal biases and learn a different way, a better way to build those bridges, to help lessen the division. I don’t think there ever will be none. But the ideal would be a place where we can all come together. And whatever political affiliation you are, whatever race you are, whatever, gender or sexual orientation we need all of those conversations together. So we can all learn from each other
How Our Subconscious Mind Has Been Programmed
Meg: Yeah, for sure. I love that you saw this need, and we’re just like, I’m gonna do something. Because I too, was watching just like, What do I do? What can I do? Yeah, just talk about shame. And I think what you said, I didn’t realize the subconscious personal biases that I had. And I think so many people, really their minds are open to that. And I think a lot of times we hear the word racism, or homophobe, or these words, and we picture the most extreme version. And so we say, Oh, I’m not those things. I’m not that. But it’s like the very extreme versions that we’re picturing. Like, yeah, it’s not all that. And that’s not the only version of it.
Carol: Yeah, and those personal biases, it’s just what we’ve been programmed with. It’s not that we’re bad people. It’s just that the media that we’ve grown up in has given us a picture of what things look like, and it doesn’t necessarily portray an accurate description of what the world or what the United States looks like or what our communities look like. And so we base things on what we’re programmed within our subconscious mind.
That’s where we need a little bit of tweaking and a little bit of digging, and diving into our own brain for our own personal reasons that we can really see that oh, this is it. I’m not a bad person. This just doesn’t make me a racist person or a hateful person, or a judgmental person. It just makes it that this is the program that I grew up with that in my brain just automatically goes to, but I can change that and I can do better.
Meg: Yes. Okay, so you see us have all these thoughts and you decide you’re going to do something. You create the Love For Every Home Project with the goal being to bring people back together. And kind of away from this we have so much division right now. I mean, there’s always been division, of course. It would be naive to say that division is new, but for sure, it is intense right now.
So this us versus them way of thinking, and even living has become so apparent. I’d love to talk about that first. So could you just talk about why us versus them is not only not helpful and dangerous too?
Why An Us Vs. Them Attitude Doesn’t Work
Carol: I think it’s easy to get an us versus them kind of mindset, right? Oh, they don’t understand, I’m just gonna cut them out of my life. And for some people, that’s a healthy boundary, to make. But to sit there and stew over the fact that person’s doing that. It’s not helpful to us, right? The energy that we expend on being angry at someone for whatever they’re doing, whatever they’re saying, whatever their behaviors are, it’s only causing us more hurt.
Because the Law of Energy is that anything that we send out into the world comes back to us. That’s the Law of Attraction and Law of Energy. So if we’re sitting there hating other people, or not even hating them just being angry, being resentful against those other people that can’t understand my viewpoint, they don’t care. They don’t care what I write. And even if they did, and even if I were to reach out to them, the likelihood is, they stand strong in their belief system. And it’s not likely that they’re going to shift their belief system because I reached out to them, or I showed them this or that factoid, or whatever.
So I feel that us versus them creates more division. And what we need to do is grieve the loss of looking at that person that we may have put up on a pedestal or respected highly, and grieve that and honor our feelings, and then send those people compassion, grace and love, because they’re standing in what they truly believe is their belief system. And all a belief system is a thought process. It doesn’t make them right, it doesn’t make us wrong. We stand on our own belief system, which is just our own thought process, and we believe it 110% but there’s someone else standing on the other side, that believes 110% on their side.
So having that division just causes more division and it causes us pain. So sending them grace, sending them love sending them compassion for understanding. Not necessarily even forgiving or agreeing, right. It’s more about, I understand that you believe that with 110% in a passionate way that you’re speaking out in that way.
I love you, I send you grace, I send you compassion for knowing that. We’re completely different in our belief systems, but you are choosing to share because you feel strongly in that.
Meg: Yeah, that is very true.
Carol: I’m even guilty sometimes. Not even sometimes a lot of times of using the us versus them or the common ground thing to bond, I think that is so popular. Instead of, Oh, we both see this common problem instead of putting our heads together and doing something, we will often just sit and talk about the other side, and fuel up this disgust, feeling and hate. Then we just leave and we haven’t done anything about it. And now we’re more fired up. Hate the other side, more or more disgusted. And it’s disguised as connection when we’re doing that, but it’s really not.
Leading to just more helplessness on our own right. It just makes that division even bigger. Right?
Meg: Right. So what do you do? When you catch yourself in those moments of getting caught up in whether it’s anger or disgust or hate? For the other side? What are some things that you do to kind of bring yourself back down?
Why Positive Energy Is So Important
Carol: Yeah, deep breath. Deep breath, because I usually realize like, I’m not breathing or I’m just shallowly breathing. But then I tend to use my oils to just grow myself and calm myself. And then I really started using the Ho’oponopono poem, which the background behind that is just fascinating.
There was a psychiatric hospital in Hawaii that had the worst of the worst psychiatric patients, and the staff kept turning over because they couldn’t handle it. And this psychiatrist, I think this was in the 70s. A psychiatrist went, and went and started reading the files and started reciting the whole poem over the files, which is, I love you, thank you, please forgive me, I’m sorry.
I think that’s it. That’s my version. But it’s a series of four statements that you just say over and over. And he started reading that poem over these people’s charts and never met a patient in person ever. And over a period of time, a year, maybe less than that, every single patient got better, and was able to leave that psychiatric hospital, just because of the energy that he was sending, by saying that by giving that love by giving that grace, giving that compassion, of those four simple phrases, to those people’s files.
So energy is so hugely important that I know our energy field, we are all energetic beings, we’re made of atoms, and DNA, and literally, all of that. And so our energetic frequencies are being constantly affected. And so when I find myself in a stressed out uncomfortable place, or feeling really angry or upset about something that somebody else did, my job is to get myself into place, a better understanding so that I can call myself and see from the other side’s perspective. Why would they say that? Let me understand. I’m curious to figure this out. And if I can’t figure it out, then give them love and grace.
Meg: Right? Yes, so powerful. And that I feel not only seeing what positive energy can do, but also like, I remember hearing you speak about this on Instagram and just thinking, yeah, imagine what the negative energy is doing to others and ourselves. And that piece of it is scary. But then the fact that we can send out positive energy and truly do healing is hopeful.
Carol: Yeah, we’re all connected. with that energy. There’s energy all around us. It’s just not something that we see right? There’s energy, your light and when you plug your phone in, so it’s something that we don’t see, we just know it’s there. But we need to just tune into that a little bit more and send those people that we are really frustrated with or hurt by that kind of energy to heal the situation versus continue with anger, destroying or whatever, right?
Meg: So can you say those phrases one more time for people if they want to do it at home?
Carol: Yeah, the four sayings are I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you. Thank you. And then the psychiatrist’s name is Dr. Lead le n. And it’s a spiritual prayer or meditation that’s, I guess, been passed down from Hawaii and the Pacific Islanders for years. But I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.
If you just say that over and over thinking about the people, or a person, or group that you’re really struggling with, that’s gonna send them the kind of energy that hopefully will bring them to a place where they’re going to be a little bit more open to building the bridge. Right.
Meg: Wow. And the patients that charts that he was doing this over? They didn’t know he was doing this, right?
Carol: Yeah.
The Energetic Frequency Of Oils
Meg: Okay, so we know that you’re an oily person, of course. So could you share some oil suggestions for maybe if people want to do a whole Ho’oponopono protocol or something? Maybe some good oils to pair with it? And if you’re into crystals, I don’t know if you use crystals also.
Carol: Yeah, I have crystals with oils. I really encourage people to go with their intuition and grab whatever their intuition is drawn to. And the same thing with crystals. I don’t have crystals all over my office in my house. I don’t really know what they mean. But I just know that I was drawn to that one or the look of that one. And that one was calling my name. And so I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to use oils or crystals. And there might be people that disagree with me. But in terms of oils, especially since Whimsy works with all different oil brands, I don’t want to say what I use with Young Living, because not every all of your listeners might have those available. But I do know that oils have energetic frequencies. And what calls to you is going to be the right one for you to use.
Meg: Yeah, I love that. And I think that’s such a good point overall with oils and crystals, because the messages we get on Instagram, especially with both oils and crystals. Are like, how do I start? But that’s such a good word.What are you drawn to? And what do you use? And so for the Young Living listeners, because we don’t have many of those, what’s like, your number one oil that you use with hope right now?
Carol: Release or Surrender are two really good ones that just are super impactful.
Meg: When you were talking, I was thinking of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s quote on I’m probably gonna butcher this, but something like, reacting in anger will not advance your ability to change someone’s mind? And what you were saying. I kept thinking of her and how she really never got angry. And really think about how much she was able to do in her lifetime. And I personally just don’t believe that it was a coincidence that she was not allowing herself to get angry and all that she was able to do and the people she was able to reach. I just think that’s, she’s a really great example of that for sure.
How Personal Bias Come About & How To Acknowledge Them
Yeah. Okay, so let’s go back a little bit. You brought up personal biases, and I’d love for you to share about what they are for people who aren’t familiar. And why it’s important to acknowledge our own and work on them.
Carol: Yeah, well I’m learning about personal biases. It’s not something that I was trained in, in social work when I got my master’s. It’s something that I’m learning now. It’s just what the messages that we’ve been taught along the way that just get ingrained. when someone says, think of a man walking into a restaurant, what color is that man to you? So when I think of a man walking into a restaurant, I also think of a white man. But shouldn’t I, as an Asian American growing up with an Asian, with a Chinese Dad?
I should think of a Chinese man walking into a restaurant, but the personal bias is, every TV show that I ever watched, every movie that I ever watched, every magazine, I didn’t see my color people portrayed.
So my brain is programmed with the personal bias of thinking, the boss is a white person. But when you think of like, who’s working in the back in the kitchen, washing the dishes. To me, that’s a Hispanic person, because I live in California and most right out of site people that are working in the back of restaurants tend to be Hispanic. That’s my experience.
But that doesn’t mean that that’s your experience. And that doesn’t mean that that’s the same experience as someone living in the Midwest or in Europe. Right. But that’s a personal bias that I have to be aware of. And if you’re growing an oil business, if you’re growing any kind of business, if you’re an employee, if you’re involved in any kind of relationship, I think it’s really important to learn what our biases are, so that we can ensure that we’re not offending other people without knowing. Right.
Another example is I have a growing team of Deaf members on my team. I have no experience with anyone in my life ever being deaf. I’ve only watched a Helen Keller movie as my only experience. So I have no awareness of how I can serve that population of my team. Thankfully, I have a team member, Amanda here who’s amazing. She’s amazing. When you reached out to me her husband’s stuff and let me know like, Okay, you’ve got a growing team. What can you do to help make sure they’re feeling included? And I was like, Oh, no, I’ll upload all our content onto YouTube, which has an automated caption to it’s like, Great, okay. But then she came back and was like, actually I want you to know that most deaf people learn ASL, American Sign Language. And so they don’t necessarily read and comprehend more than a second grade level. And I was shocked and thought, Oh, my gosh, I am totally not serving them.
I thought I was by giving them closed captions. But by not knowing that kind of information. I was leaving out a whole group of people. And so that’s my own personal bias, because it’s my own lack of knowledge. And so where else, where else am I not reaching people? Where else am I possibly making other people not feel included because of just my own lack of awareness, my own lack of knowledge, my own lack of experience.
Stay Curious & Open
Meg: Wow, yeah, that is so powerful. And I think staying curious, you said earlier, helps you to be aware of our own bias because we all have different ones. I grew up in a very, very, very small town. I graduated with 47 kids. And they were all white kids with all straight parents and it was just going to college was just a very surreal experience and having a sibling who’s a member of the LGBTQ community was eye opening also to just all these personal biases.
And so I think when we stay curious, we can learn. And if you weren’t curious and open minded and someone came to you, you could, unfortunately, be defensive. And because you were curious, and you were able to learn and do something for your community. And so I think that’s such a good lesson to take away. Stay curious and open. And it doesn’t mean having personal biases doesn’t make you a bad person, everyone has them, we all have them.
Carol: And I think the more that we can just admit that it’s just part of who we are, it’s part of what we grew up with. And I think it’s a personal responsibility that everyone ideally needs to take a look at, to make this world better. Because there are people that are hurting, because they aren’t feeling a part of the community that you lead, or you’re part of, or the church that you go to, or the temple that you go to, or whatever. And I feel it’s my responsibility to help others be the best versions of themselves. And that means I need to be humble, and continue to learn how I can serve them best. Right?
Meg: So if someone’s listening, and because I think sometimes when we first realize our personal biases that most of the time are subconscious it’s not we’re walking around thinking, knowingly thinking these things. So if we’re, as people are kind of realizing Oh, my gosh, I do have that personal bias, and they’re kind of having shame for it. What would you say to them who cuz it can that can, that feeling of shame can really wash over you when you realize them? And you they maybe they want to unlearn and unsubscribe from these beliefs, what can they?
Carol: Yeah, I think it’s, again, something that you have to grieve. We live our lives, just unconsciously living them for quite a long time. And I think anyone that becomes aware of like, oh, crud maybe I have some thought processes that could be hurting people or that I just want to explore how I might be better, that we have to grieve the fact that like, I live my life this way, thinking I was right. And now I have to kind of admit to myself that like, Oh, I was right, based on only this little portion of the facts that I was given throughout my life. And to just give yourself grace and love and compassion. Grieve the fact that maybe the life or the idea or the ideals that you held might not be what you want to continue with or that you want to ship them.
Love For Every Home Project
But that’s really why I created the Love For Every Home Project. Several leaders within the Young Living top leader, Diamond and up community came together to help create it once I reached out to them, and we’ve hired two really amazing diversity inclusivity experts, and we are having twice a month calls starting in January through May.
It’s going to be a real deep dive into discrimination and mainly focusing on racial discrimination, but that kind of transfers out into all discrimination. Right. And we’ve got LGBT, LGBTQ plus, people in the group, we’ve got all different colors in the group, But surprisingly, I’m actually not, not surprisingly, the majority of the people that are participating are already in the pre learning stuff that we’ve got going on. Or are white people, because they are realizing like, Oh, I want to learn, I need to unlearn a lot of stuff and unpack a lot of stuff. And I want to be in an environment that’s going to be non judgmental about what I may have said and helped me learn how to say things better or do things better. So that’s really what the group’s about is just to give everybody a space where we can help each other grow together in a more unifying way.
Meg: Right. I think that’s a perfect example of, when we are brave enough to step out and say, I thought this or I’m working on this it, even though we might feel embarrassed or ashamed, it’s giving other people permission to evaluate themselves. And maybe be more open. I think the more open we are, and they see Oh, she’s doing it. Maybe I could too. It’s not as scary. So when you go first, you opened up this group, and it was like, Oh, okay. I don’t feel so because it’s not something to feel shame about.
We all have it. So what are some ways that we can be building bridges, in our personal lives, and even in our businesses? If listeners have a business?
How To Be A True Leader For Diversity
Carol: I think reaching out and asking their team members, what do you guys need from me? Right? Like, be a true servant leader, find out what they need, find out what kind of diversity is within my team? And how can I make sure that all of them feel seen and heard?
So we have marketing materials made for our team that one of my team members creates, and it was mostly white people, and in my head, didn’t really even cross my mind. Because, again, when I think of people, I don’t think of people that look like me, I think of white people. But we had to consciously really make an effort. We need to start incorporating people of color, and I want to start incorporating people in wheelchairs and disabilities.
We want everyone to know that they can be a part of our community, and not just this one look, kind of template or whatever. So, I think it takes bravery to ask people because it can sometimes feel when the constructive feedback comes, it can sometimes feel attacking, or you’ve really dropped the ball. But I think it shows a true sense of leadership, if you’re willing to, to put yourself out there. Right?
How To Teach Your Kids About Diversity
Meg: Yeah, I think so too. Okay, and how can we as parents, you’re a mom, right? And I have a seven month old baby. And so a lot of listeners are also moms, I think and so how can we be raising our babies to be inclusive? Especially with the personal biases? I think our subconscious mind is completely formed by six or something. So what could we be doing as parents to have our kids be inclusive of others who are different from them and avoid as much as we can like, personal biases?
Carol: Yeah, I have two teenagers. I think not teaching them the idea of being colorblind is really important. I think there was a phase of a period of time where teaching kids to be colorblind was a thing. And it doesn’t help people of color or people who have differences. It doesn’t acknowledge their differences, right? We’re teaching them to pretend this person doesn’t exist because their color is different, or their disability is there. And just to pretend it doesn’t exist, but it does exist and they live a life, that’s different because of their experience because of their disability, or whatever it is.
So for little babies and kids, I think it’ll just be important to incorporate lots of diversity and the books and videos and whatever you’re exposing your children to. Teaching them to honor the differences and to respect the differences to notice them and love the differences and to ask questions and not hush them or tell them, don’t ask about that. Don’t shame them because of it.
Ideally, you’re able to have some teaching moments of showing your children as they grow up, how to be compassionate about the differences, how to honor other people’s differences. I wish when I was raising our kids, and they were a little, that I had been more aware of religious differences. We’re not religious at all, but I would have loved to have included them in a Jewish holiday and Muslim holiday and an Eastern Indian holiday just so that they could see something besides Christmas, right? So they could just be exposed to more things.
So I think it’s just a matter of just exposing. If you live in a town that’s mainly a certain color or whatever, and you want to expand their knowledge base, then find those opportunities and bring them in and make them a normal part of life and just reinforce that. Everybody has differences, but ultimately, inside beyond the skin level we’re all the same, right?
Meg: Yeah. We were talking about being curious, and kids are so curious. Even still, I think, because we’re uncomfortable, and maybe we don’t know how to talk about it. So we quiet their curiosity. But they are at this age where we are helping them form their subconscious. And when they’re curious, we’re trying to unlearn things and get curious and they’re already curious.
I remember, a little girl that I babysat had seen my sister’s wedding photo, who’s married to a woman. She said, Girl. Where’s her husband? She’s a girl. And I was like, Oh, yeah, and I just explained it to her. And I was kind of preparing myself for all different questions. And she just said, Oh, you can love whoever you want. And then it was over and it’s snack time.
And so just really remembering how curious kids are, I think is so huge. And yeah, I think that’s very important. For sure. And also really looking at the books on our kids, shelves. I have a baby. But even back in June, I was just trying to figure out what I can do in my own home, and just looking at the small library that my son does have, and I’m seeing like, okay, all of these characters are 99%, the same color. If there’s a couple, it’s the same sexuality there.
How To Raise Kids That Build The Bridges
So just really being aware of those things that when we go to what we’re comfortable with writing, or what we’re comfortable with, we stay in that zone. It’s easy to do, it’s what we know. But if we want to raise children that are going to build bridges, we have to get out of our comfort zone and look for those other sources.
Carol: Right. And with our teenagers, we have open discussions with them, what do you think about what’s going on in the news? What do you think about what’s going on with the election? And we might not agree. I grew up with my parents being Republican. So I was immediately Republican when I started voting. But then my views shifted and changed, and then my views shifted and changed again. And so I’m neither, I’m nowhere.
And that’s been a journey too, right? But being able to have those open conversations with my kids. I’m married to a white man, so our kids are half and half. For the most part, they’ve never had an issue with it. Some of our son’s friends, if they had met me, probably wouldn’t even know that he was half Asian. Our daughter definitely looks more Asian, and she has a lot of Asian friends. But our son can live a life as a white man. But I want to make sure he is aware of that privilege and is aware of the differences so it’s an ongoing conversation.
Why Being “Color Blind” Can Be Harmful
Meg: Yeah, for sure. Can you shine a light on the commonly used phrases? You said, with being colorblind and people that say, I don’t see color. Or, I treat everyone the same. Can you explain to people why that is hurtful and discounting?
Carol: Yeah, I think it comes from a good place, right? I love everyone. But I don’t agree with their whatever. Right? When you say I’m color blind, you’re totally discounting that person’s life experience of whatever color they are. An Asian person, a black person, a Latino person, and a white person, even if they lived in the same family, they would all have a different experience, right?
If you grow up in a family, my sister is older, when we compare life stories, her perspective of life with our parents is different than my perspective of life with my parents, even though we lived in the same house, right? And so saying, I’m colorblind is kind of telling my sister like, No, that’s not true, because this is how our family lived. And this is the experience that I had with my parents.
So it’s just hurtful in the fact that it’s not honoring the fact that they had a different experience than we did. and that by discounting that we’re not acknowledging that there are differences for people of color. It’s basically saying, well take out your blackness, or take out your Latino, or Asian ness, you still have all the same opportunities. But it’s not that right. And then when you say things like I love everyone, but I don’t agree with their lifestyle choices or what they do in their bedroom, but I love everyone. That’s kind of not loving.
If you really want to love everyone unconditionally, then you love them unconditionally, with all the pieces that make them them. And whether you agree with it or not, I have people on both sides of the political fence that I love dearly, and I’m not going to not love them or love them less because they voted one way or the other. So I think it’s just a better understanding that’s needed, but I think that the desire to say, Oh, I treat everyone the same. I’m colorblind and love everyone, it comes from a really good place. I think it just needs a little digging for those people that are saying those things to see how it might be affecting other people.
Meg: Right. Okay, so let’s go back to the Love For Every Home Project.
You said it starts in January, but so far what’s the most profound thing that you have learned personally?
Constantly Learning & Trying To Do Better
Carol: Well, it’s been eye opening to see how so many people are coming together that want to unlearn. They are acknowledging that they do have personal biases, and a lot of people that I would have thought would be coming forward. So we had an introductory call in October, we’ve been doing some pre learning little activities every week. And then we had a post election call in November.
Then we’ll start our two times a month calls in January. But I think the most rewarding thing so far is the sense of community. Of people being open to other people’s differences. The post election call was a lot of people very supportive of Biden winning. And then afterwards, I got some messages from people who were Trump supporters that are part of the program saying I didn’t really feel I was included.
I’m part of this project, and I want to learn. So I had to put a post out there saying hey, for anybody who’s a Trump supporter, or have any political affiliation, that call was pretty one sided. And I want you to know that we’re going to do better, and we’re going to work on making sure that everybody’s voice is heard. We’re here to hear from all of you.
So it’s just been a learning experience for me every step of the way. Curating the pre learning activities isn’t great for me. But just knowing that the group is continuing to grow. More and more people from all different walks of life, different belief systems are going to be joining us.
Meg: This is really wonderful. So for people listening who want to join the Love For Every Home Project – How can they join? Is there a deadline? I would love for you to give all the details.
Carol: Yeah, there’s no deadline. All the calls are recorded. There’s a paid registration fee. Just because our diversity inclusivity experts are super expensive. Because they are experts in their field. We did create a sliding scale fee. So it’s a one time fee of $30 to up to $1,000 for anyone that wants to contribute that much.
Anything that we raise over that we need to pay our experts is actually going to be donated to the Young Living Foundation, which is the nonprofit for our essential oils. So none of the leaders that are helping me with this project. We’re not making any money off of this. This is solely a heart led project. And they can get more information at my website, which is just my name, CarolYehGarner.com. I have a little tab there that people can get more info about.
Meg: Okay, perfect. And we can put that link in the show notes for you guys, too. If you would like to click over there. And I think I saw your first that first introduction call on YouTube. And so if anyone wants to listen to that I actually listened to that a couple weeks ago, and it was great.
Okay, so what about for the people who are listening thinking I don’t need the love for every home project? What are some questions that maybe we could all be asking ourselves before deciding that we do or don’t need the Love For Every Home Project or even in her work in general?
Should You Join Love For Every Home Project?
Carol: Yeah, I think if maybe you aren’t ready to dive into your own personal biases. It’s a scary thing to baggage. But I would encourage you just to think and ask yourself a couple questions. Are you interested in hearing other people’s perspective? Because you have lived your life with your own perspective? It’s pretty interesting to hear people’s completely drastically different perspectives, right? Are you struggling to talk with other people that have completely different belief systems, especially political belief systems these days?
If you’re growing an essential oils team or business, whatever business that is, do you want to be a leader that’s being as inclusive of everyone as you can be? Or are you okay with just being who you are right now, which is fine. I’m not here to say like, everyone needs to join this now. I would absolutely love If everyone would jump in and join it. But I totally respect and honor the fact that not everyone’s ready to do the work. It’s uncomfortable, for sure. And it’s eye opening, and line expanding and heart opening and heartbreaking at times.
So, you got to be ready and willing to be there. In our zoom calls you can have your camera off, you can watch the recordings, you’re not required to participate at all. But we we do encourage as much interaction and personal sharing as possible so that we can get as many different stories and experiences so that hopefully we can learn from each other’s experiences, and learn from each other’s faux pas, too.
Because that’s something that we’ll probably be talking as we take the deep dives, we’ll be talking about discrimination. And there’s going to be likely discussions where people are going to be like, Oh, crap, I did that. Or I said that, yeah. Now how can I go repair that? Or what do I do now ?Personal growth is not for everyone. That’s fine. But if you are ready to jump in, we would love to have you.
Meg: I just love this love forever. I think it’s amazing. And I think those are really great questions to be asking ourselves, for sure. So we’re gonna do a quick, rapid fire questions before we hop off. So if you just want to fill in the blank, for me, I’m inspired by blank.
Carol: I’m inspired by my team. I am loving my essential oil team. They continue to grow and do really inspiring things to grow their teams and to share and to educate. And even though I’m at the top rank, I learned from them every single day.
Carol: That’s good. Something people get wrong about you.
Carold: I think people think that because I talk about mindset, and I do guided imagery stuff, that they think that I’m calm all the time. I have lost my stuff before. I don’t want to swear but most people would not notice that I kind of swear like a truck driver with my friends.
Meg: That is such a good one. And when we were organizing this podcast, I asked Haley I’m like, What do I do about my mouth on Air? It’s well, just just try not to because then we have to put an explicit thing. Your go to a central oil roller or diffuser blend is blank.
Carol: Right now my favorite is the new Winter Nights, which is a blend of Northern Lights, Black Spruce, Peppermint, Cedarwood and Orange. And it smells like you’re walking through the most amazing forest with just this little hints of citrus.
Meg: Ah, I need to get that one. Okay. Um, and then where can people find you?
Carol: At my website at Carolyengardener.com
My Instagram is A Well Lived Life.
Meg: Okay, well, it’s been such an honor to talk with you. I think you are doing such great work and you really are a trailblazer in the Young Living or essential oil community even. And so I just really admire you and I know that people have learned from this because even I have learned from this call. So thank you so much for being on.
Carol: Thank you for having me. I’m really honored to be a part of your podcast and to share with your listeners.
